You're Invitation to Good Grammar

There is a lot of stress and worry in professing to be an English teacher.

I sent out an invitation to a party that I'm hosting for New Year's Eve. Within it was one of my most hated of grammatical errors: the you're/your error.

There. I admit it. I made a mistake. I'm not ashamed of it either, and this isn't the first time it's happened either. I've done it many times before, and I plan on doing it again.

I swear it didn't mean anything. I still care about grammar, and I still care about spelling.

If people didn't put so much pressure on English teachers then maybe I wouldn't be running around all over town making grammatical errors. I'm just a man. I'm just an English teacher. I'm trying to do his best, but I am human. Why don't you get off my case? It isn't as if I'm entirely to blame here.

Fortunately, my kind friends (save one) were nice enough not to point out the error. To all those readers of the invitation who were sickened and disgusted (and those who read this blog), I'll try not to let it happen again, but I'm not making any promises.

I've had a taste of being bad and I like it.

Trashy Post?

I always laugh at the Seinfeld discussion when Elaine asks, "When do you consider sex to have taken place?" Jerry responds, "I think when the nipple makes its appearance."

Similar political, moral, and ethical questions come up all the time: When is a baby a life? When do we pull the plug on the terminally ill? Or even something as foolish as when does a piece of bread become toast?

In reponse to some of the comments on my blog and on tartcider regarding Guy Masse's firing from Zellers for taking candy, I pose the question: when is garbage garbage?

It's a sticky point in the candy debate, and alevo makes a good point when he/she says that the candy was not in the dumpster, but was instead in the store en route to the garbage. Does this make the candy more garbage or less garbage?

I would consider a lot of things in my house garbage. Let's have a look around. My desk has a wide assortment of objects that might be considered garbage:

-- One tissue box three quarters full
-- One spool of 50 blank cds half full
-- One cellular phone
-- One half of a "Barrel of Monkeys" pen (the other half and monkeys are in my backpack)
-- 5 sheets of paper on which are written the values of Texas Hold'Em Hole Cards
-- One small spoon.
-- One cheque made out to me for $100US (how about that!)
-- One water spray bottle to discourage my cat from meowing at the door
-- One registration receipt for online ABQ course
-- Nine miscellaneous music, data, and software CDs
-- Computer, speakers, monitor, keyboard and mouse
-- One crumpled piece of paper

I can live without most of what is on my desk, but I wouldn't consider any of it garbage. Someone who looks at the quality and design of all those objects might deem all of them garbage. I doubt though in reality that anyone would throw out anything from my list, but lets say that someone came in and took the crumpled piece of paper. I wouldn't be upset. They would argue that it was garbage and that I just hadn't placed in in the wastepaper basket. It was en route to the garbage. I might have agreed.

Now let's consider a little more. The piece of paper that was taken was not refuse, but was instead a winning lottery ticket. I would have been downright furious had someone come in and taken it. I would have been digging through dumpsters along with the person who took the paper.

If the lottery ticket had not been a winner but instead a loser, would my reaction be different? Of course. I wouldn't have cared that the ticket was gone; it was en route to the garbage.

If that person, instead of taking the crumpled piece of paper, had instead taken the pen, would I have been angry? Sure, because my other half a barrel of monkeys pen and monkeys (currently residing in my backpack) are now useless. Would I be digging through dumpster for it? No.

I suppose that this is my point about the black and white of policy manuals. Suppose Mr. Masse had taken a 34" Panasonic widescreen LCD flat-screen TV that was returned as defective because its base was slightly warped. Had he taken that out of the store because it was "garbage" there would be no issue here. Had he taken that same TV been returned because the movers dropped it down a staircase smashing it bits the case would be very different.

I think that the most important thing about this story is that we have to remember that the poor guy took expired chocolate! The policy manual might have said that he "breached the trust of his supervisors" but come on now! I still maintain that Mr. Masse's firing was overly harsh.

If I'm walking down the street and a police officer sees me jaywalk and also sees a man robbing a bank, what would we assume is the greater crime? No one would point their finger at me and say I should have received a fine and the robber be set free! Even though I did break the law by jaywalking, my crime is not ticketworthy when placed beside the bank robber. Both are crimes and both are unlawful, but any reasonable human being would say that I should have walked free while the bank robber should be arrested. I think that when it comes to taking expired-en-route-to-the-grabage-candy we should also believe that Mr. Masse should not have been fired.

I digress a little from my garbage diatribe.

I suppose the simplest way to define garbage is to say that everything in my wastepaper baskets beside my desk and bed, and in my bathroom is garbage. The black garbage bag in my kitchen contains garbage. The metal garbage can outside my apartment door also contains garbage.

So does an object become garbage the moment it crosses the threshold of a refuse container? I suppose the simplest answer is yes, but how many of us have thrown out something important? In a moment of distraction, or stupidity tossed out the remote control in your right hand instead of the empty styrofoam cup in your left hand? How many have had a pet knock a wedding ring or stick of lip balm into the garbage can? Does that object automatically become garbage the moment it crosses the threshold of the refuse container? Certainly not.

My sister and her husband just bought a new TV for their bedroom. Their old TV is better than any television I have ever owned, and you better believe that if it is placed anywhere near a garbage can I'm going to take it. They might consider it garbage since they don't have any further use for it, but going into their house and taking it would be considered theft, even though it may be "en route" to the curb.

I'm not sure if I've come any closer to an answer here, but I found this comment on Chris's blog to be very interesting:

I work in a warehouse. Busy place, lots of stuff gets thrown out. Decisions about what to throw out are too numerous to be supervised. Instead, everyone knows you don't take stuff out of the garbage. Its an odd sight. It draws attention. its a security choke point. The guy knew better, or, shoulda.

My question is why? Why can't someone take garbage out out the dumpster? Perhaps it's a problem of our society that we believe we need new things. Perhaps, we could save the planet if we simply reused. Perhaps our disposable society will be our downfall. Perhaps this penchant for not using garbage has saved thousands of lives that might have been lost through disease.

There are many objects in my house that have been salvaged from the curb. I took the best stove/oven I've ever owned from the street. My three bookshelves, coffee table, end tables, dresser, and television stand have all, at some point, been considered garbage. Some might consider them to still be garbage, but I'll be damned if I had to go out and buy all that furniture. All of that cost me a grand total of $0.00, but to replace it would cost a few hundred.

I understand the idea that employees can go out of their way to rip off the company. Another comment (Paul Denton) on Chris's blog suggests that "It becomes all too easy for the individual to "accidentally" tear packages or leave perishables unrefrigerated just long enough to be convenient." I agree in some ways, but disagree with his idea of "the easiest solution [being] a blanket policy against employee scrounging".

A blanket policy is an effort to make all cases exactly the same without heart, care, or compassion. Perhaps that's what is needed in our society of 128-bit encryption, IDs, PINs, and Adscams, but it saddens me that that's what we've become. We need to be viewed for our individual strengths and our individual needs. To assume that all cases are the same is to fall into the trap of prejudice.

I doubt that Mr. Masse wasn't trying to rip off the company. I really don't believe that his actions justified his firing. I suppose that in order to maintain true to the mandate of the mundane within this blog I should simply posit that arguing the moment an object becomes garbage is definitely a waste of time.

Ridiculous Decision of the Week

I was disgusted when I heard about this story.

A Zellers employee was fired because he took chocolate bars from the garbage. The man, Guy Masse, a single parent of three decided that he would take some chocolate bars that had passed their best before date. He thought that it would make a good Christmas stocking stuffer/gift for his children.

The man admits that he took the candy and that he didn't ask for permission, but he also admits that he is very poor. He took the candy out of the garbage, in order to help make Christmas a little brighter only to discover that it cost him his job.

I can understand the side of Zellers who doesn't want their employees to just take any product that has been deemed expired, defective, or damaged. They don't want employees walking off with LCD TVs after all.

Still, it sickens me that a man has been fired because he took food out of the garbage. Of course he should have asked his supervisor who will no doubt argue that he would have said yes, but doesn't it strike you as a bit harsh that a man who had found a job to avoid being on welfare has been fired less than a week before Christmas?

Call him into the office, yell at him a bit and tell him the importance of being a part of the team. Reprimand him if you must, dock his pay for a day, switch him to the worst shift there is, but don't fire him.

To me this sounds like a textbook case of a policy that is written in some book without the benefit of human touch or human compassion. Have a heart heartless corporation (HBC) and look at this case for what it is: a poor man who has been forced to work a minimum wage job with zero benefits forced to take expired food from the garbage can in order to bring a brief smile to his family at Christmas. For shame Zellers.

Hello, Mr. Chips.

It was quite funny- and quite typical- on November 30th when I was on the phone with my mother. She was talking away, as mother's do, and asked me about my course:

Mom: When do you start your course?
Me: It starts in January or March depending on the school.
Mom: So which school are you going to?
Me: Well I figure that the course is going to be the same no matter where I take it. It goes on my Ontario certification as a completion, and there are no marks submitted anywhere, simply a pass/fail. So I'm going to the one that is the shortest, the cheapest, and the one that finishes first.
Mom: And?
Me: That's *****.
(pause)
Me: Wait a minute! What's the date today?
Mom: It's November 30th.
Me: No, no, no, no. What time is it?
Mom: 10:30. What's the matter with you?
Me: Today is the registration deadline!

I had four months to register and I put it off until 90 minutes before the deadline. What kind of an idiot does a thing like that? (Incidentally, with the $150 spending money that I have each month it's going to take me over five months to pay for the course. A part of me was hoping that I would find a job that wouldn't need the course. I guess that explains my procrastination)

I managed to register in time, and then zipped on over to www.mcgill.ca to request a transcript. McGill has the best transcript request policy ever. First of all, it's free (which is a rarity) and second of all it's all online. In just a few clicks you can request the official transcript and have it sent to the institution of your choice. It usually arrives within 2 weeks.

So I received a white envelope from the University late Friday afternoon. I had the important-letter-panic-attack as I contemplated not opening it. When I did manage to tear it open I saw a white sheet with official letterhead and with a sick feeling in my stomach, I read.

Now there was absolutely no reason for me not to get into the course. It's fully online, after all, and I don't expect that an online course is a huge stress upon the university or its staff. When that 8 week fully online course costs $865 I'd be shocked if they reject anyone even if they register after the deadline. Sounds like a textbook case of cash grabbing to me.

I was relieved to see that I had registered for the right course and that everything appeared to be correct. It looked upon initial glancing that it wasn't a rejection letter (I've got a sixth sense about these now). I was over the moon when I noticed that under "Required Documents and Prerequisites" was written "None".

I'm in the course and will begin January 10th. I know that it's a complete waste of time and money, but in my experience that's what teacher training programs are all about. It frustrates me that I'm a victim of a bureaucracy that has been set up in order to make life more difficult. I can't begin to fathom how frustrating it must be to immigrate to Canada and have to redo a law or medicine degree even though you've worked for 20 years and have saved/helped thousands of people.

Moving, Thumbnails, and Coughing

My sister, brother-in-law, and niece moved out yesterday. They bought a house in suburbia and are planning to spend the best years of their lives raising kids, commuting, and being boring. Yes, they'll have a yard and friendly neighbours of equal wealth and ambition and they might even have access to decent schools, but their local shopping stores are Home Depot, Walmart, Best Buy, and Costco with their local restaurant being the fast food joints that are attached to those stores.

I digress (My opinion of suburbia has been well documented here). So the house above me that was once occupied by them is now empty. That means that my plan for today is to run their cable TV down into the basement so that I can enjoy it for as long as I can before either they or the cable company realizes that it needs to be cancelled.

(Maybe I shouldn't have written that for the whole world to see, but the private is the new public and I doubt that anyone from said cable company would actually care enough to do anything about it.)

Besides, I woke up this morning with a cough. I had a scratchy throat all week and after nearly overdosing on vitamin C I had hoped that I had kicked the cold away before it had a chance to latch onto me.

Now, my throat feels like a mattress of fibreglass insulation and I'm in my sick-Sunday comfy clothes. My only plan is to play a free poker tournament as I try to help/pester Brian with the final aspects of creating my PEZ website by creating 500+ thumbnail images. When that's finished, I will read One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch and nap with impudence. I may or may not watch new cable TV.

Now It's Just Another Boring Day, Hey Yeah.

I've got a touch of a cold and despite numerous bouts of lengthy sneezing fits, I did get out of bed and get some work done.

I took Brian up on his generous offer to some help with my website. I did my best not to pester him too much, but I expect I managed to make him regret his offer.

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure that I have ever done anything for Brian. I've helped other friends pack, move, cook, and clean. I've installed drywall, painted, sanded hardwood floors, raked leaves, mowed lawns, cleaned eavestroughs, shoveled driveways. I've edited papers, bought drinks, given rides, dogsitted, and been a wingman in attempted bar pick-ups. I've thrown video hockey games, done dishes, fetched Advil, made urgent runs to the corner store for toilet paper, and returned almost late movies for other people.

With that said, I don't believe that I have ever done anything for Brian. It's an odd position to be in. I consider myself a person who would break his back for a friend, but I have to admit that Brian's got me trumped.

So I suppose that this is my way of paying a compliment. So Brian, if you're embarrassed reading this, don't say I've never done anything for you.

Working Day

I spent the day today creating my PEZ website.

Over the past few weeks, I have:

a) Done an inventory of all my PEZ dispensers including creating a spreadsheet that includes: name of dispenser, total number in stock, the series, stem colour, the packaging, the direction in which the dispenser is facing in the package, patent number, and location in storage boxes (so that I can find it again). I have 494 different variations and 996 total dispensers. They are contained within 26 boxes.

b) I took pictures of all my dispensers for sale.

c) I cropped and photoshopped all pictures. I have over 550 pictures total.

d) I found a reasonably priced host for the pictures, and I uploaded all images.

e) I added image links to all "names" within my spreadsheet.

After thinking about how I was going to create a webpage for my dispensers, I finally sat down today and started it. It is especially difficult for me since I don't know how to create pages with HTML. I'm figuring it out as I go along, but needless to say things took a while to get started. It's not going to look very fancy, but it will be enough.

I worked for 7 hours today, and though I did manage to get a lot done, I still have a ton more to go. It'll be fine, but I expect that I'll be busy for the next couple of days, at least. I'll post a link when I'm done.

The Big "C"?

During my sister's pregnancy, she developed a lump on her neck. After her baby was delivered, doctors investigated the lump, and discovered that it was a growth on her thyroid.

Last week she had a biopsy done, and today she received a phone call informing her that it is indeed a tumour.

We aren't sure right now if it is benign or malignant, but she has been referred to a surgeon and is having the tumour removed as soon as possible.

I don't have much to say other than my obvious concern for my sister, and my horror to discover that 1 in 4 people in industrialized countries will develop Cancer.

Satellite Radio Salvation?

I'm feeling particularly creative today. I'm just back from a weekend in Kitchener/Waterloo and on my drive I listened to Michael Enright's Sunday Edition.

I'm not sure exactly why, but I'm always much calmer afterwards, and I always feel smarter. Perhaps it's his soothing voice, his "play dumb" (and I emphasize play) routine, his natural and relaxed interview style or the intellectually stimulating subject matter, but I always feel like a better person for listening.

I was also very interested to hear that CBC Radio One is now on Sirius Satellite Radio. I am wondering if satellite radio might be my salvation. Over the past few months, I've been doing some investigating and I am enticed by the possibility of actually being able to listen to decent radio in my car.

I'd like to be able to tune into the BBC World Service at any time of the day. I'd like to be able to listen to music without mindnumbing advertisements. I'd like to be able to get my dose of Canadian indie artists from across the country.

Still, I'm hesitant. I like the idea of mainstream radio getting it's come uppins, and I like the idea that I can listen to my favourite stations anywhere in the country. What concerns me about it right now is the shockingly small amount of Canadian content. I don't want to listen to MSNBC, or American rock classics. I want to hear Canadian programming from across the country. If I want to hear the CBC Saskatchewan morning show with Sheila Coles, then I'd like to be able to tune into it. That way I can tune in and hear local issues in communities across Canada. If I want to hear conspiracy theorists pontificating on their call-in shows from Sebastian County Arkansas, then I can tune in and listen.

Something about a station called "AltNation" that plays "The latest alternative rock releases and the best alt-rock of the '90s" just sounds a little to packaged for me.

I think that satellite radio might be an amazing thing, but the service makes me a little unsure. Right now it seems terribly bush-league. It seems as though there may be great possibilities in satellite radio, but I just don't get the impression that it's there just yet. In the same way that I can listen to hundreds of thousands of shows through online streaming on the Internet, I'd like to do the same thing with satellite radio.

As it stands, I'm sure that I would really only listen to three or four stations offered through satellite radio and ignore the rest. That doesn't appeal to me since I know that I'm paying a monthly fee for a bunch of crap that I don't listen to. When I can cater my stations to my own tastes from thousands of legitimate options, I'll be in. Until then, I don't want to be caught with satellite radio without service in the same way others have been caught with Minidiscs, Laserdiscs, and Compact Discs with their dreaded jewel cases.

That Which Was Cool Is Now Lame: CFNY

My formative years were spent listening to Toronto radio station 102.1 CFNY FM, better known as The Edge. It's mandate is "new rock" which was always a nice alternate to cock-rock, spray bands, classic crap, and Top 40 producerama.

When I first heard Nickelback's "Photograph" grace its airwaves I almost crashed my car with uncontrollable laughter. You know those laughs when people fall down on the floor clutching their stomachs and can't stop for 20 minutes? To be honest after the lines, "How did our eyes get so red / And what the hell is on Joey's head?" are uncorked in the first verse, I haven't been able to hear much more of the song over the sounds of my own laughter mixed with intense gagging.

The Edge is now running a contest on their lunch time request show. In order to win the prize of an Apple iPod Video, you must send in a picture that "represents" your request. A good idea, but you have to see the pictures that have been in the running. For example, do a google image search for a forest fire, and you get your image for Franz Ferdinand's "Fire"; search for iron lung will get you your image for Radiohead's "My Iron Lung". These were yesterday and today's winners! These image thieves have turned their idiocy into a $500 mp3 player!

Now, I much prefer the person who showed some lateral thinking when they requested Coldplay's "Fix You" by showing an operation. It's not brilliant but its a step in the right direction. No prize for them, though.

The station has also fallen into the trap of playing a limited set of songs. The morning show plays the same top 20 songs every single day, and then throughout the day you're likely to hear the same tracks at least a half a dozen times. I remember, as a boy, hating Top 40 stations because they would repeat songs over and over during the day. With all the great new music that's being made, there is no excuse for a station to play a song more than once a day-- for that matter, even once a week.

If a radio station's mandate is "new rock" that's great, but I would not consider new rock to be music that you would hear on mainstream radio station. The fact that The Edge is playing Green Day, Nickelback, and U2 should be a good indication that something is wrong. I've never heard them play anything drastically "independent" apart from the occasional Broken Social Scene. With so much great music being made, a station that claims to be alternative should play alternative music.

The whole thing is very disappointing. One thing that I really missed about living in Montreal and Saskatoon was decent radio. I listen to the radio a lot and I really enjoy it. I had hoped that I would return to Toronto and enjoy The Edge as much as I had as a teenager, but sadly, it was-- and is (if things remain the same)-- not to be.

Still, I will enter their Video iPod contest, and lose. My hope is that I win, but I really hope that I don't make the final two and to the number one google image search of a doorbell to "represent" the White Stripes' "My Doorbell".

Boring, Snoring, Doring, Loring

There really isn't much happening these days. Everyone around me seems to be putting in time until Christmas when they can have a much deserved vacation for a few days. I'm just kicking around waiting for something to happen.

I registered for my course. I have to take a course that says that I can teach high school English. I've been teaching it in the independent school system and I hav taught senior English in Saskatchewan for two years, but the school boards here say I need to get my Senior Basic English qualification. I've waited until now to register, because I missed the fall deadline. I'll begin in January and finish up in mid-March. I doubt that it will be strenuous at all, but it's costing me $865. So either I don't give any Christmas presents, or else this will be my Christmas present.

Things are fine in my life, but just a little on the dull side. Andrew loaned me some rabbit ears for my TV, so now I've gone from 2 channels to 8. There's a regular Manhattan Project happening in the basement!

Channel 5: CBC
Channel 9: CTV
Channel 70: TVOntario
Channel 76: Radio Canada
Channel 103: Omni 1
Channel 108: SunTV
Channel 113:Omni 2
Channel 125: CityTV

It's really tremendously exciting. So far I've watched an episode of Jerry Springer, and an episode of Family Feud. All I can say about that it that Springer is reairing shows from 1997 , and Richard Karn must be suicidal to have signed that contract.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

I've been staring at this blank screen for about 20 minutes now, and I still can't think of anything to write. I suppose that that's never stopped me before.

I drank way too much last night and am feeling like garbage today, plus I have a severe case of the stupids. It's days like today that make me want to swear off alcohol forever. In fact, I just might.

I did manage to watch War of the Worlds on Friday. What a bunch of crap. I dislike Hollywood endings as much as anyone, but I can take them if they make sense. This ending was ridiculous. His son was killed, period, and then he magically shows up at the end? Dumb. How did he manage to get there anyway? It was completely unexplained and was a real disappointment. The movie could have been fantastic, but it was ruined by the ending. Also, I don't know why I should care about the characters. They are all so unlikeable that a part of me was rooting for them to be killed. Sure they're unhappy, but a hero needs to have some redeeming qualities or else why would I care about them? The special effects were great, but this film needed much more script work, and a lot less executive interference.

Friday Turnaround

I was a little bummed out yesterday.

I fell off the wagon a little and woke up at 9:30. After a week of waking up before 8, it felt like a real letdown. The biggest problem that I have is The Daily Show and The Colbert Report that are on one of my two channels from midnight to 1am. It's hard not to watch.

Anyway, yesterday I woke up late and did next to nothing all day. Thankfully, I cooked a good dinner (I've only been out to a restaurant once since my resolution and that was for a birthday dinner) and that started me on the road to recovery.

My health card was delivered, so I am legal within the health care system. That's a plus.

I found out that my brother in law didn't qualify for the poker bar finals, which was a real disappointment and a real piss off to him (he finished in 52nd and the top 50 go on). When I got there, though, I asked if he could play and they agreed. I gave him a call and he and I played at the same table. He was eliminated, but got a "nice face" qualification to the regional tournament on Sunday. I finished in 6th and also qualified. Again, good news.

In my hockey pool, I've been going head to head against my friend Ian, who slaughtered me the first week of the hockey season. I was down 3-2 heading into last night's games. As I was playing poker I noticed that the Bruins shutout the Senators which ticked me off since Ian has Raycroft on his team. It was nice to wake up this morning to find out that Raycroft rode the pine last night and Ian didn't get credit. I'm ahead 6 to 1 so far. I hope it lasts!

So things are looking up. I worked all day today, and the though they were restless I still had an enjoyable day.

Now it's Friday night. I have no plans and am game for just about anything. Perhaps another drunken entry at 3am? Stay tuned.