Spaz: Pushups

So apparently, I don't know how to do push ups.

On the frigid Victoria Day long weekend, my friend, Sean, was in town. He was on business and made a special trip to Toronto to visit with his friends. Since my house was clean, I had people over for a barbeque. It was textbook barbeque: extravagant meat, Caesars, lots of butter, beer, wine, and laughs.

Sadly, the most laughs seemed to come at me expense when I was goaded into doing push ups.

Brian likes to stir up shit, and after reading that I was running a lot, he bet that I couldn't do 30 push ups. I suspected that the only reason why he did it was to see if I would just drop down and start doing push ups in much the same way you ask a dog to sit just because you want to be obeyed. I resisted, and it was dropped.

Later on, we were discussing it again, and Sean was sure that he could do it. I mean 30 pushups isn't very many and he had been in the military (to some extent) after all where 30 pushups is about as difficult as blowing your nose. Sean succeeded in his 30 pushups and then took a well-desevered pull on his cigarette.

I got ready to do my 30 pushups this time because of pride and beer-fueled idiocy. I got set up and started. I had to stop after the first half a dozen simply because I couldn't count over the bellows of laughter. Apparently, I don't do them right.

Sean ran in to get the camera and below are some of the results:

This clearly isn't a pushup. I was trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Obviously, I know that my butt isn't supposed to be waving in the air. That barbeque is awfully lucky, with a view like that!

Now there is something funky happening with my shoulders and back. I think that the legs are nice and straight, but it looks like I'm arching my back too much. My arms are all twisted around, too.

This one doesn't look half bad. There are clearly some back issues, and it doesn't feel at all comfortable because my hands are so far apart, but I guess I'm on the right track.

When it was said and done, I managed to complete my 30 pushups. It was more like 50 when I got the kinks worked out. My suspicion at the the time was that everyone was just giving me a rough time for no reason, but the pictures don't lie and yet I cannot help but think that they really don't adequately capture it.

What concerns me is how messed up my body is when I'm doing things that I actually believe are normal. I mean when I began doing the pushups, I certainly didn't think that I was doing anything wrong and I certainly didn't think that my body was this mangled. In my own mind everything was okay, and now I have photographic evidence that I 'm a spaz (and for some reaons have now posted it for the world to see). This is a simple pushup, and I don't want to know what it looks like when I'm running, or swimming, water-skiing, or standing around feeling nervous and awkward.