Ban The Bomb

When I read that terrorists were planning on using liquid explosives aboard flights from the U.K. to the U.S. I laughed and laughed at the reaction to ban carrying liquids onto planes.

Airport security is one of those things that we all have to cope with every time we take a flight. Though we grumbled when our bags were checked and nail files and golf ball-mark repairers were confiscated, we all knew that it was for our safety. I might argue that it is absurd to take sewing needles from an 85-year-old grandmother of 17. Nevertheless, we have accepted our new lives as passengers. Still, I expect that any terrorist who has worked their way up through the organization is probably quite capable of killing a man with his/her bare hands; a pair of cuticle scissors would, I expect, be more of a hindrance than a help.

In this propensity to ban rather than think, we are now being advised not to carry shampoo, gels, makeup, suntan lotion, and toothpaste in our luggage. Well, so be it, but I hope that we all enjoy our blast down this slippery slope.

My suggestion to terrorists is to create a bomb that is made out of cloth. What a tremendous blow it would be to tourism and the global economy if airports were forced to ban clothing from luggage. "I'm sorry ma'am that brazier and blouse are banned. Sorry sir, we're going to have to confiscate that Speedo. Excuse me, Gran, if you're planning to take this flight, you're going to have to strip down and be completely naked, but be sure to wiggle your hips a little."

My advice to terrorists is to just think a little about the idiocy of your enemy. Any system that bans air passengers from carrying toothpaste isn't much of an adversary. To be honest, after this morning, you might as well accept the fact that you've won and revel in the success of knowing that millions of air travellers will be suffering from halitosis, razor burn, clogged pores, and sunburn.