Dear John...

Have a look at the picture over there on the right. That, my friends, that is a broken man. Well, maybe not the one in the picture but you get the idea. I am a broken man.

There's really no escaping it. There's no point trying to cover it up from the world, because it's just so obvious. There's no need to sugar-coat it. There's no need for me to hide it from you my fair reader. I don't care if the world reads this and knows. Hell, I want the world to do something to help me! I damn well know that I can't do it myself!

Bad news comes in threes and I just got my third dose. At least, I suppose, I can start looking forward to some sunshine around the corner.

This has, without a shadow of doubt, been the worst year of my life. A failed relationship two days after my 29th birthday, a move halfway across the country, leaving a group of people who cared about me and respected who I was and what I was doing, being shutout from a career that I love, being forced to government dole, mooching off my father, the rejection letters-- my God-- the rejection letters, having Cancer strike my sister, my mother dying in a horrific car accident, finishing last in my hockey pool, and now another failed relationship 6 days after my 30th birthday.

"Let's go ladies! Get in line for this guy! He's got it all!"

I'm a broken man, and there isn't much else to say. I don't know how this will turn around, but even though I am enjoying work it's only the first week and I know that its tedious repetition is going to drag me down in time.

I've considered packing it all up and moving far away. Maybe Africa to help those who really need it. Maybe get a job in the English countryside where I can swing down to the pub in the evening and come back home to a thick feather mattress with flannel sheets and a hot water bottle. Maybe I will just walk the earth and meet people like Caine in Kung-Fu.

I can't leave my father alone, though, and I'll bet that I can't face things by myself. I'm not sure what I need at the moment, but I do know that I have to make damn sure that I get myself standing again quickly or I might never recover. I don't want to be one of those guys that gets old and fat and wonders what the hell happened to his life. Maybe I'm already on that path? Please tell me how to avoid this. I'm begging you.