You're in it right now.

Sam: You're in in it right now aren't you?
Andrew: What do you mean?
Sam: My Mom always says that when she can see that I'm working something out in my head, she's like, "you're in it right now." And I'm looking at you and you're telling me this story and...you're definitely in it right now.
Andrew: I think you're right. I am in it


We'll I've decided that I'm in it. That's what all this nervousness and uneasyness for the past few weeks has been about.

I was speaking with a friend of mine about the job search and I came to the realization that all of this pressure to find work is a joke. "The Man" says I need a job. I need to make money so that I can consume. I need to be an active part of the economy. I need to be a part of the system.

My grandfather was the hardest working person I've ever met. He got a job during World War One sweeping floors in a factory. He was 10 years old. He worked his way up through the years to become the company's Treasurer. He also started the first credit union in his home town and was a socialist long before people (like me) were allowed to be lazy and hide behind cushy federations. Every summer during his one week holiday, he would come to our farm and paint fences, repair shingles, and pick stones. This is someone who grew up working hard and never allowed his hands to be idle.

I've been sitting here for the past five weeks with idle hands. Guilt has a lot to with me wanting a job. In reality, I don't really need one. I don't owe money to credit card companies. I have some savings. I have very few expenses, really.

This is a chance that very few people ever get. Why would I want to screw it all up by getting a job?

So I've decided that I'm going to relax about finding work. I'm going to write and get something significant accomplished. If I find a great job that I can love then I'll go for it, but I'm not going to settle for something just because I have some twisted obligation to the status quo. If I don't find my perfect job (the job that makes me happiest), I'm going to sub until January and then get started on a Master's and PhD.

It's what I really want and I've been blind to that even though the answer has been so obvious.