You Can Wash Just Like Me

I am trying to figure out why I've had so many hits this weekend and today. By the looks of it people are linking to this post, and I can't really understand why since it's so unremarkable. There have also been a lot of other links to other posts so I'm very confused. Why all of a sudden?

I'm not going to spend a lot of time worrying about that, but instead explore my own mental instability.

Here's a little tune for you to enjoy: Talking Heads "Thank You for Sending Me and Angel."

Over the past few years, I have developed some cleanliness quirks. I'm not saying that I am the cleanest person in the world, and you'll probably come to my house and say, "He thinks this is clean?" I just know that I'm a lot neater than I have been in the past.

Another more disturbing habit is handwashing. Here's a typical trip to a public washroom:

1) Open door and enter.
2) Approach the urinal with the least amount of urine on the floor around it. There really is a lot of it, and it constantly astounds me.
3) Undo pants, take care of business, do up pants.
4) Approach sink, turn on water.
5) Rinse hands, soap, lather for between 15 and 30 seconds.
6) Rinse hands.
7) Approach hand drying apparatus. This is the first real obstacle for the simple reason that there are so many variables. The only caveat involved is, "Now that my hands are clean, don't touch anything." That means that elbows, shoulders, or watches may have to be used in order to push the hair dryer button, or depress the lever to advance the paper towel.
8a) If I realize that it is a hand dryer, and the taps are handles, I will turn off the tap by using my elbow and trying to avoid dripping water from my hands onto myself.
8b) If it is a paper towel dispenser, I will use my elbow to advance a little piece of paper, then I will use it to turn off the tap to prevent stainless steel to skin contact. Then I will use that same piece of paper towel to advance an appropriate amount of paper towel to dry my hands.
8c) If I realize that it's a hand dryer and the taps are impossible to turn off using the elbow technique, I will dry my hands and either use toilet paper, or my shirt to cover my hands while I turn off the tap. Occassionally, you can leave the tap on for the next person, but that happens rarely.
9) With now completely sanitized hands, the trick is leaving the washroom, because of the bacteria laden door handle. Sometimes you can wait for someone to come in, but then you'll look like a psycho who was afraid to touch the door handle. Usually, I stick my hand under my shirt and use the cloth to protect my hand. It's risky because if someone comes in quickly, you can really get plunked in the head as you bend down awkwardly.

These are drastic measures, I know. These are stepping stones to installing a sink in every room of my future mansion. The biggest reason why I have instituted these steps is because I know from experience that the vast majority of men that share the washroom with me don't wash their hands. With the amount of urine on the floor, you know some of that has leaked out onto those hands.

A quick google search will yield the results of many studies stating that 25% of men don't wash their hands. I think that that number is much higher. I would estimate more like 40% (at times, I would say more like 70%) leave without washing. It is safe to say that if you are opening the door with your bare hand, you are getting the germs of those unwashed hands.

There's a segment of Karl's Journal from the Ricky Gervais podcasts (#9): "Went round to Ricky's house and had a game of pool. It should have been nice and relaxing, but Jane gave me some cake and Ricky said I can't play pool if me hands are all sticky from the cake. This turned into an argument when I said I didn't want to wash my hands. He goes for a piss all the time without washing his hands and then squeezes my head. I know I'd prefer to have lemon crumbs on my head than knob juice."

Me too.