Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo.

I'm not sure exactly what to say this week since things haven't been too fantastic. It seems like so long since my last post and there isn't a lot of cheeriness round these parts.

Site Feed

As per Brian's request, I have placed a site feed link on my blog. I'm still not sure exactly what this accomplishes, or if I've done it correctly, but I have tried. From what I can guess, Brian is sick and tired of checking back to my blog hoping for a post and not getting one. I can only speculate that the site feed will solve this problem for him.

Adios, Mr. Kotter

I had so much hope that I would have a job this next semester. I have spent many days over the past few months subbing at my old high school. I hoped that a job would open up and that I could slip in there for a full-time gig.

In November, I found out that a teacher in the English department was going on maternity leave. I had subbed for her many times, and had chatted with her frequently. She had suggested strongly that I apply.

Of course I did apply, but on Tuesday I got the old "screw off" letter. Something about many applicants, more experience, best of luck in future endeavours. All that crap. I resisted the temptation-- and it was strong-- to give them a piece of my mind ("The bridges I've burned light my way."). I suppose that it was nice that they sent me an email saying that I wasn't one of the four people being interviewed; at least they gave me that much courtesy.

I suppose that this could be one of the nails in the coffin of my teaching career. I am very seriously considering throwing in the towel and doing something else. I don't believe that I've done everything that I wanted to do, but I haven't been given the opportunity, and at this point it doesn't look like I will. I am frustrated with the bureaucracy and disheartened by seven months of unabashed rejection. At what point does one decide enough is enough?

I really am questioning my abilities as a teacher, a writer, a thinker, and role model. I feel ineffectual and I wonder at which point someone will just come right out and expose me as a complete fraud.

I know that I was foolish to hitch my wagon to this star, but I really thought that after dozens of days visiting the school, chatting with teachers, and making contacts, I thought that I was an obvious choice. I suppose they don't want a teacher who makes a your/you're error in the subject line of an email, or one who makes dozens of other mistakes on their blog. My thick glasses and non-jock physique might have been a factor too. Who could blame them really?

Home Repair

My parents and I are in the process of doing some renovations in my house before they put it on the market and try to earn their retirement money. I've been busy plastering, painting, scraping, scrubbing, filling, stripping, and sanding. I'm exhausted and haven't had the energy to blog much. Sorry.

The work is going well. Slowly but surely, I suppose. At this point, there is so much to do that it's hard to believe that it will ever get done, but we'll pick away at it over the coming weeks and it will get done somehow. I will be doing most of it so that will keep me pretty busy. The only problem is, of course, that the work is generally very mindless and I have nothing to do but to think all day about the state of my life and to beat myself up over things.

General Malaise

There isn't much that I seem to be doing right lately, and no matter how hard I try to make good decision and to try to make things easier for others, they just end up getting more complicated and I end up looking like an idiot. I just can't get a break. It seems that no matter what I do or how hard I try, I end up fouling it all up. Sooner or later, I'll end up being all by myself and wondering what the hell happened.