Nugget's Razor

Brian commented that the reason he visits my blog is because of the fact that I document the mundane events of my life. I suppose that he gets some pleasure out of knowing that, even in his most boring and mundane, his life really is more interesting than mine. Or perhaps he just likes the fact that I care so much about the barely trivial.

I reflected, rather offhandedly, that I wondered why anyone would want to read about the boring events of my life. Brian set me straight and so now I present to you my foray into electric razors.

The history of my face shaving has had many chapters. The first would be the time I found a disposable bic razor in the medicine cabinet. I was six years old and after pouring all the medicines, tonics, balms, and lotions (as well as all the cleaning products under the sink) into the toilet in an effort to create a magic potion, I set my sights on shaving. Note: Leaving all these items within reach of a six year old may now be considered bad parenting, but in the early 80s researchers hadn't yet made that discovery and it was at that time in fact good for children to be able to get into medicine cabinets and toxic cleaning products.

I took the orange plastic blade cover off the white plastic razor, and dragged it across my face in the way I had seen it done in tv commercials: a giant arc down the jawline from the sideburn all the way to the chin. "This is shaving?" I thought, "It's not doing anything. This stupid piece of junk doesn't work."

I then took care of the spot above my chin below my bottom lip, and gashed what would become the first of many shaving incidents. I screamed and wailed and my Mom tore up the stairs to find out what I'd done. Blood pouring over my fingers and down my chin she freaked but managed to stop the bleeding. Her interrogation regarding what I had done to the toilet and every liquid in the bathroom began. "I was making potion," I hiccupped between sobs.

I received my first electric razor for Christmas 1990. Santa always had a way of informing me of my personal hygiene needs. He "told" me that I needed to shave just as he "told" me a few years earlier that I needed to wear deodorant. It was a Braun rechargeable razor that I used for many years. It did a fine job on the peach fuzz that I called a beard. At that time, I only needed to shave about once (maybe twice) a week.

In university, I started shaving with a razor. I decided that something had to be done about my boyish face and I decided that I needed to toughen up. I've shaved with a razor in the shower without a mirror for the past 10 years or so.

Unhappy with my Schick triple head razor, I wondered if perhaps I could get a closer shave with an electric razor. I was also tired of having knicks and cuts from nervous pre-interview shaves, and my burned neck was at its breaking point. I suppose that changing the blade every three months, may have had something to do with it, but I felt that it was time for a change.

I headed to Sears and purchased another Braun. I tried it for the recommended three weeks. Not only did it not shave closely enough, but it also took a helluva long time. I would sit in front of the tv and shave for 20 minutes trying to get everything smooth. I contorted my mouth and pulled my skin in all manner of ways trying to get at all those tough spots most of which would continue to velcro into my fleeces and sweaters.

Disheartened, I returned the razor to Sears, and figured that the first one had stunk because I hadn't spent enough money on it. I decided this time to try a triple headed Phillishave rotary razor with the patented lift and cut system. On first use, it didn't so much lift and cut, as rip all the hair right out of my face. Again, I tried to the razor for the recommended three weeks, but likewise the same problems arose. The razor was not close, it took forever to shave, and with this one, the added problem of pain.

Yesterday, I went back to Sears and returned the razor, this time opting a full refund rather than an exchange. I stopped off at Pharmasave and picked up the latest (and purportedly greatest) razor from Gillette: the Mach 3 Power Nitro. Of all the stupid names for a razor. This one comes with a battery that is supposed to stimulate the hairs and get them to stand up so as "to provide the closest shave possible."

Even though I was (and am) nervous about taking a battery powered razor into the shower, I checked the manual (razors come with manuals now) and found out that it was "shower-safe". After soaping up I flicked on the switch and, no joke, the shower glowed green with Nitro-power! While not the best shave ever, it was fast, and it was painless.

My experiment with electrics completed, I was happy to be back with an old friend. I'll stick with a blade for now and when I get shocked from the powered razor, I'm sure I'll document it on this blog.