PART NEReD

I have received three admonishments for the line in my last post, "My partner works there and is working over Christmas, so I decided to visit her."

The Canadian Oxford dictionary defines "partner" as... don't you remember starting essays and reports like that in elementary school? Awesome! Actually, Wikipedia has a good entry for girlfriend and it points out, "At times, since "girlfriend" and "partner" mean different things to different people, the distinctions between the terms are subjective, and which term is used in a relationship will ultimately be determined by personal preference."

I prefer to use the term "partner" instead of "girlfriend" because as a student I always heard people talk about their girlfriends. "My girlfriend's parents were out of town this weekend," or, "You'd better not think about looking at my girlfriend you goggle-eyed nerd!" These girls never had names and, to me, "girlfriend" always made them sound like property. "My Vette was tearing around town all weekend," or, "You'd better not think about looking at my Vette you goggle-eyed nerd!"

Every sensitivity training course in the country will teach you that when you are speaking to someone and they mention their sexual partner, you cannot, or should not, assume the partner is of the opposite sex (nor of the same sex). If you use of the word partner instead of girlfriend, people jump to a conclusion about your orientation.

I use the word partner instead of girlfriend for a few reasons.

1) It has a level of sharedness. We are not chattel to each other. We make decisions for ourselves, and we make decisions together. Responsibilities are shared. Both people are equal in the relationship.

2) It does not make a statement about my sexual orientation. I do not need to brag. I don't need to declare to the world that I am a heterosexual. I don't walk into someone's house and say, "Should I take off my purchased-in-Baltimore-shoes?," or introduce myself to a coworker, "Hello, I'm coming to terms with the unexpected and horrific death of my mother." There are some things that people don't need to know. Until they meet her and get to know her, people need only know that there is someone special in my life.

3) Using the word partner exposes prejudice. Invariably, the listener will hear "partner" and come to a decision about gender. Why have they assumed that the partner is female or male? This says a lot about them. Hopefully it will allow them to reflect on the reasons why they interpret the world the way that they do. Assumptions can reveal prejudice and bigotry that should be countered.

I will continue to use the word "partner" for these reasons. I will also use the term girlfriend, and will relish being called boyfriend. It's rather frightening to me to think that so much hassle can be caused by mere semantics. Shouldn't linguists (I'll pass on the obvious joke) have worked this out by now?